2009 trifecta for Lisa

Four full tables of 4 came together on this beautiful day a week before Thanksgiving to battle it out for the highly sought after traveling trophy. Who would have known that this trophy was so coveted by so many and that the documentation of victory meant so much to so many? A few months of unrecorded heart's club history has left many members longing for the days of yore when the events of the monthly gathering were published promptly and accurately (with no editorial liberties!).

While the documentation has been poor lately, November would not go unrecorded (I definitely know who won that, I had to sleep in the guest room so the trophy could be by her side!!). With 4 full tables, there would be no Twaddle taint tonight. You would have to earn the right to be in the championship game...a two game wining streak would be necessary to take home the gold. Fierce battles took place in the prelims and the 4 standing were Mark, Lisa, Beth and Steve K. As she has 2 previous times this year, Lisa proved to be too strong for the competition and a final hand "shoot the moon" sealed the victory. As she grabbed Big Willie (by virtue of her numerous wins this year she felt it was her right to give it a nickname), she said (almost disgustedly): "It really is quite a simple game." Yes, it is Lisa.

Next month is the annual holiday hearts at M&M's. Please cast your vote in the poll question to the right.

Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

Inspired by the recent joy and triumph of the Easter season, Lisa looked at the April meeting of the hearts club as a chance for a rebirth....a new beginning in her hearts life. One could almost still hear the choirs' joyous refrain of "Hallelujah! Hallelujah!" as Lisa cradled the trophy against her bosom, a tear slowly caressing her cheek. As her shoulders gently shuddered she looked up defiantly at her "competitors" she had just dominated and said through clenched teeth "I knew I would kick your @#%!" As a 2nd place qualifier and on the strength of an unprecedented 3 moon shoots, Lisa did not appear at all concerned with Mark's "tainted victory" comments knowing that she would be cuddling with the trophy on this evening and that all Mark could hope for was a Dutch rudder (if he was lucky).

As usual there was some interesting conversations throughout the evening that had many wondering "what was he/she thinking?" as the words were coming out of their mouths. Why would Dan describe receiving his new job in such a graphic manner? (see 1st picture) Why would Toni ask Beth if Jan had new furniture? Was this strange questioning of Beth prompted by the lack of any discernible "ass grove"? With a consistent long term average attendance hovering around 12 participants, why are we falling back into old habits when it comes to the next hearts meeting? (refer to both February and June 2009 discussions). All valid questions that we may never know the answers to.

If there were any questions why Beth was the grand pooba, imperial wizard of this little club, she put that to rest on this evening. Despite her irritated and disgusted reaction to the men's lack of knowledge of her plans, she overcame this and successfully rolled out a new game for the losers to play. With little thought involved (although the lack of left verse right knowledge was alarming) play moved along quickly and the reaction of the players indicated this was a good addition for the evening. While I believe Mary and Mark won the 1st two games, this author is not committing to tracking this on a go forward basis if this becomes a regular part 2 of the hearts evening.

I would like to confidently state that our next meetings will be May 16 at Cindy's and June 20th at the Krenek's but there seems to be an underlying movement to pick future dates based on the host's preferred attendees.

A Valentine's Lovefest..for the host!!!

February 21, 2009 meeting: Despite all the controversy and the excessive e-mails going back and forth about how "cute" it would be to play hearts on Valentine's day, calmer heads prevailed and the February meeting took place on the normal night of the month...the 3rd Saturday. We all know the only acceptable deviation is the August lake date. Although there was a conflicting school event, the turn out was pretty good.

The question / answer "Where are Teri (sp?) and Steve?"....."on a bike ride" was asked and answered multiple times during the evening. I think the bike ride reason for missing hearts is just code for wild, passionate intimacy between 2 love crazed kids in spandex shorts. Come on now, just like we don't really believe Mark and Debbie both just coincidentally had wet hair and smelled of Irish Spring, we certainly don't believe bike rides go until 7:30 at night.

One other interesting tidbit from the evening: the refusal of Toni / Tony to play at a table with anything other than 4 people. Everyone thought Dan was the psycho about playing with 4....turns out that we were so taken aback by the balls it took to even suggest this that we all accepted her terms and apparently she has a lifetime exemption. Oh, by the way. Beth won. Congratulations.

March 22, 2009 meeting: Our March meeting was held at Mark and Debbie's and despite the lack of wet hair (see reference above) they did make a big deal out of the fact that they were kid free this evening....hmmmm, what were in those brownies, Mark? Fortunately there were 12 people so we did not have to feel emasculated by bowing down and adjusting the table configuration to accommodate the Tony Testament (see reference above). Debbie, possibly feeling liberated as the hostess of the evening, silenced the room when she declared: "you are a TURD!!" Stunned, we all glanced down at our cards awkwardly praying it was not us that had spurred her to such an outburst. Play soon resumed and the final 4 battling it out for the trophy were Steve, Toni / Tony, Andy and Dan. Ending a year plus long drought, Dan took home the trophy (yes he actually won).

2008 - the Kreneks come alive, 2009 Andy wins

I guess I could not muster up the words over the last few months to adequately describe 2008. The Chinese designate an animal each year that is supposed to symbolize and represent that year's particular ying and yang (am I mixing cultures?). If the hearts club were to do the same 2008 would clearly be labelled the year of the Kreneks. Not only did the completion of the infamous pool allow them to host hearts multiple times, the family took home 25% of the trophies. Sue lost her victory virginity mid year and Steve not only ended a loooonnnng winless streak (although a previous winner, it was prior to the creation of this blog) he strung together the elusive double victory, winning the last 2 months of the year.


Could the first meeting of the year see Steve join Cindy in a threesome...oops, I mean could he match Cindy's high water mark of 3 consecutive victories? With only 8 other competitors to beat (or was it only 7 ?) time would only tell. Toni appeared to declare early in the evening she had other plans than to put up any resistance to Steve's dream. She was going to get mentioned in this blog no matter what and she felt her best chance was to do something totally unprecedented. What could that be, you ask? How about accumulating the most points ever in one game? Well she succeeded, "earning" 135 points! WOW!

After the preliminary round, Steve's hopes were still intact as he joined Dan, Andy and Jan in the finals. Andy, riding the wave of unbelievable cards and some unconventional play (just to mess with Dan's mind) dominated the final round to take home the trophy for the 2nd time in the last four months. Congratulations Andy.


There were a couple of interesting non-hearts activities that are worth mentioning. One was during the ladies graze fest that took place after the first round. As all the non finalists sat around the food serving table gorging themselves. Beth, drinking her 2nd hot Irish coffee, could not understand why she felt the urge to fan herself in the middle of winter. Ummm, consuming hot liquor-laced liquids, I wonder what possibly could have caused the sudden warmth?


The 2nd non-hearts activity involved a scavenger hunt as 2 hormone raged teenagers had to obtain a picture of Lisa handing a feminine hygiene product to one of them. When informed that we did not possess one of these such products, they were off only to return with said product in hand. I'm sure this picture will make a few My Space pages. Overall, a good night with only 9 players and Mark and Debbie showing up later in the evening to share some food, drinks and fun into the wee hours of the night.

King Mark takes the lead

A sickness here, a cross country business trip there, and the end result was a small (but interesting) group of 6. The question: "how will we accommodate playing with just 6?", was quickly solved as Debbie and Toni were voted out, reality TV-style and banished to being food and beverage servers for the final 4.


Who were the final 4 and how would they decide the champion?, was the next mountain to climb. (Note: I am pretty sure that is not the correct sentence structure above but it is a stupid blog, not a college entrance essay, right?). Former champs Cindy, Beth, Mark and Dan argued relentlessly on what combo of games and or mathematical formulas would be used to determine hearts supremacy. Mark, using his home court advantage, as well as his mastery of math, tossed out so many complicated formulas the 3 remaining competitors finally gave in. I think one suggestion involved the Pythagorean theorem as well as Pi. The final verdict?....play 2 games, total the scores and the lowest cumulative score wins.

Dan used the Chicago Cubs strategy.....dominate the regular season (the 1st game) and fade badly in the playoffs (game 2). Mark, knowing the odds makers give home court advantage at least 20 points, calmly approached the night much like last year's Super Bowl champs Giants. Plod along in game one giving no one any reason to suspect you are a contender, then turn it on at the right time and take home the trophy. Congratulations Mark on win number 11.

Debbie Does Round Lake

The annual trip to the lake was fun as usual with good fun, good friends and the battle for the highly sought after traveling hearts trophy. With all the other distractions and things to do (as well as the fact I did not participate in the championship game), my memory of even who played for the championship is not real clear. The fact that the amount of elapsed time from the event to the actual written account of it is excessive may also contribute to the lame / generic recount of the day's hearts events.

All that being said, Debbie played with the determination of a pit bull with lipstick (oh, sorry, that's hockey, not hearts) and dominated the competition much like another lady by the name of Debbie did to the fine gentlemen of Dallas. Bad, 1970's porn references aside, Debbie did earn her 2nd victory, moving out of the "one hit wonder" category and into the "multiple winner" category. Congratulations Debbie.

Editor's note: The pictures have nothing to do with hearts but they are of Debbie's spouse, with whom I kayaked into Community Park to rescue the Park District's pitching machine after the Ike induced flooding.

Sue WINS! Sue WINS!! SueWINS!!!!

Some of the greatest stretches of futility have often made pro sports teams American icons. Something about the frustration and disappointment of another year passing and yet another dream of a championship going unanswered warms the hearts of the masses. Even the non sports fan knew about it when the Red Sox and the White Sox both ended decades of losing and finally grasped the brass ring. One can only imagine the reaction if/when the Cubs are crowned the champs and the chant of "Cubs WIN!!" is screamed from the mouths of people around the world.

Although the people interested in this story may not be as great in pure numbers as in the teams mentioned above, the hearts playing world had just about given up on the prospect of seeing Sue clutching the hearts trophy to her chest and sobbing in pure joy and relief as she finally ended the years of utter failure. Around office water coolers everywhere disbelieving fans could be heard muttering: "Can you believe it?", "Do you you believe in miracles?" "It's been how many years?", "Mark didn't let her win did he?"

As with the Blackhawks being one of the original 6 hockey teams in the NHL, it is only fitting that Sue, as an original member of the Friends and Neighbors Hearts Club, finally got to experience the sweet taste of success. Congratulations Sue on your well deserved victory, going head to head with the hottest player on the circuit (Mark) and bringing him to his knees.